Teen Titans: The Identity Thief, Chapter 1: Amnesiac Heroes

by Blackwolf247

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“So that, tadpole, is how we Super Friends helped the Elementals,” finished Aquaman. (*)

[(*) Editor’s note: See Super Friends: The Return of the Elementals.]

Aqualad nodded, impressed by his mentor’s story. The two guardians of the world’s waterways were busy grooming their seahorses while conversing, when suddenly Aqualad felt a buzzing in his belt buckle. “Uh-oh. Sounds like Speedy is calling a Teen Titans meeting!”

“Well, you’d better swim on out,” said Aquaman. “And give my regards to the gang! I’ll finish up here.”

“Righto! Thanks!” With that, the junior hero swam off.

Aquaman chuckled to himself as he watched his protégé leave. “Someday that kid is gonna make a wonderful grown-up super-hero!”


The Teen Titans Clubhouse:

“OK,” Wonder Girl said to Speedy. “The others should be here shortly.”

Kid Flash zipped in just then. “Hi, beautiful!” he proclaimed with a wide grin.

“Hello yourself, handsome,” Speedy responded, and Wonder Girl chuckled.

Kid Flash himself laughed. “Say, why are you in civvies?”

“Today’s the day the four of us are going to that Legion of Funk concert, remember?” (*)

[(*) Editor’s note: See DC Universe: Something Wacky This Way Comes.]

Kid Flash slapped his head. “D’oh! Of course! OK, I’ll get changed.” Before he could finish speaking, his red and yellow uniform was back in his ring, and he stood there a handsome, brown-haired lad in parachute pants and polo shirt, similar to the outfit worn by the red-haired boy bowman.

Wonder Girl herself was dressed casually in a minidress with a flower print. “Golly, but this should be a good show! I hear their record is climbing the charts faster than a speeding bullet!”

They soon began to get restless.

“Where is Aqualad?” Wonder Girl wondered, looking out the window. “Oh, there he is — but, boys, something doesn’t look right!”

Both young men looked out the window. “Golly, she’s right! Aqualad looks confused!” Kid Flash stated and swiftly went outside, returning momentarily with the red-and-blue-clad, raven-haired hero.

Aqualad looked around, confused, and turned to the young champions. “Uh, hi. Do you kids know me?”

The three youths in civilian garb stared at their costumed companion. “You don’t know us?” Wonder Girl asked in amazement.

“No, and frankly, I am feeling… uhhh…” Aqualad said before he passed out.

Kid Flash proved why he was called by that name by grabbing his falling friend and rushing him into the shower, turning on the cold water so that, within moments, the prince of the seven seas was revitalized. But he was still unable to name himself or his friends; in fact, he was a little shocked to see them after they quickly donned their heroic outfits.

“What is this — a costume party?” said Aqualad.

“Boys, I think we have us a serious problem here,” Wonder Girl said.

“I’ll call Doc Monroe and see if we can get him in for a checkup,” Speedy said. “I just hope this is a temporary condition.”

“So why did you put me in the shower?” Aqualad asked Kid Flash.

“You need water to survive,” explained Kid Flash. “You can only live on the surface world for about an hour at a time without being re-moisturized. You don’t even remember that?

“I don’t remember anything before wandering around on the beach, and then you came along,” said Aqualad, concern in his voice.

“Gosh! I wonder what’s happened to you!” Kid Flash said. “I don’t see any lumps on your head, and I don’t see any device on you.”

“We’ll find out what happened, Aqualad,” Wonder Girl told the blue-and-red-clad Teen Titan. “Rest assured.”

“Thanks,” said Aqualad. “Coming from you, that’s reassuring, although exactly why I’m not sure. Were we — are we… close?

“Just good friends,” she said with a smile.

“OK, and my name is Aqualad?”

“Yes,” said Speedy, hanging up the telephone. “And we’re the Teen Titans. I’m Speedy, that’s Kid Flash, and next to you is Wonder Girl.”

“A wonder of a girl she sure is!” Aqualad responded with a grin.

“We had best get him to Doc Monroe’s right away,” Speedy said. “It’s slow right now at his clinic, but the big party will be starting soon, and that could mean extra business for him.”

“Let’s go, then!” Kid Flash said.

“Doc Monroe? Why does that name sound familiar?” Aqualad asked.

“He’s our regular doctor,” Wonder Girl responded, “someone we all trust. Come on, Aqualad.”

“Odd he’d remember the doc’s name, even vaguely, but not ours,” Kid Flash said to Speedy.

“Yeah, whatever happened to him isn’t complete amnesia, that’s for sure,” replied Speedy.

Nearby, two men were watching the Teen Titans Clubhouse. One had a pair of binoculars, and he said to his companion, “Perfect. Phase one went as planned.”

“Excellent. And soon phase two begins.”

Both men laughed evilly.


Dr. Monroe studied the hapless youth before him and spoke to the other members of the Teen Titans. “I can’t find anything wrong with Aqualad other than some partial amnesia, and that, I’m afraid, I cannot explain. Perhaps if we took him to the hospital and ran a CAT scan, we might find out something, but I cannot guarantee that.”


Nearby, two men were relaxing, smoking, and watching the doctor’s office.

“Taking them a while.”

“Yeah, but even so, they won’t find anything. Heh-heh-heh-heh-heh…”

“So when do we get the next one?”

“Patience, patience… the boss wants to be sure this gizmo of his is gonna work before we strike again.”

“Yeah, well, right now I feel like doing something. Guess I’ll get us some hot dogs and beer.”

“Sounds good to me, Jake.”


At a most expensive resort hotel, a long-haired man was sitting at his desk, watching the news on his television. While stroking his beard, he frowned. So far there was no news concerning the Teen Titans. He wondered if his plan had been interrupted, or if it had occurred but had simply not become known to the press for some reason.

Perhaps it was time to unleash the Tigress after all.


Elsewhere, the teenage crime-fighters were debating their options, which included attending the Legion of Funk concert anyway, despite the fact that Aqualad had some sort of partial amnesia.

Aqualad, meanwhile, looked through the records and tapes within the headquarters of the heroes and exclaimed when he picked up the Legion of Funk cassette, “Hey, I remember! I was listening to this not long before Speedy — no, Kid Flash found me. Odd, but ‘Speedy’ sounds like the name of a super-fast guy, not a bow-and-arrow user.”

“You were listening to the Legion of Funk?” Wonder Girl asked with a frown. “Where’s your Walkman?”

“Oh, probably on the beach,” said Aqualad. “Can I listen to this tape?”

“Sure,” said Wonder Girl. “We’ve all done so without any problems. Kid Flash, want to check the beach?”

“Sure, hot stuff. On my way!” Kid Flash was out the door and back before Wonder Girl finished hearing what he had said. He had three Walkmans, and all three of them had the Legion of Funk tape in them. “These three were abandoned or left behind, so let’s each listen to one.”

Half an hour passed.

“Cool music!” said Kid Flash.

“The funkiest!” said Speedy.

“I liked it, too, but I have just one question…” said Wonder Girl.

“Yes, what is it, beautiful?” asked Speedy.

“Who are you guys, and where am I?”

Speedy and Kid Flash looked at each other. “Uh-oh!”


Nearby, Dr. Monroe had a visitor.

“Tell me where to locate these underage heroes, and I shall let you live!”

Dr. Monroe was not a young man, and he knew he had no hope of combatting this sleek, bronze-hued beautiful but obviously vicious lady in animal furs. “They have a clubhouse down on the beach. Can’t miss it!”

“Good, goood… and just to make sure you don’t call them…” With a casual swing of her hand, she knocked the older man unconscious.

“Be glad I am not paid to kill you!”

The Tigress was on the hunt.


The Teen Titans who still knew their identities now numbered two out of four, and Speedy had the idea that somehow something in the Walkman or the particular tape caused Wonder Girl and Aqualad to forget who they were.

“This is gonna be a tricky one,” Speedy said. “I think maybe listening to the Walkmans was not a good idea.”

“You think?” Kid Flash said sarcastically. “Well, my mentor is a scientist, so maybe he can find something in this contraption. I’ll take it to him.” He picked up the Walkman from Wonder Girl and took off running.

“Now what?” Speedy wondered.

“I think I have to rehydrate,” Aqualad said, heading for the showers.

At that moment, the Tigress burst through a window and landed in a fighting stance. “Well, well, well… the noted Teen Titans — my prey!

“Who are you?” Speedy asked, reaching for his bow.

“Naughty, naughty!” the Tigress said, aiming a kick at the boy bowman, which sent him flying across the room. She stood up and looked at him. “One down, and… ugh!” She crumpled as Wonder Girl hit her in the back with a folding steel chair.

“That should take care of whoever she is,” said Wonder Girl, glancing over at the TV, where a professional wrestling show was on. “Thanks for the suggestion, boys.”

At that moment, the Tigress rose and swiftly landed on Wonder Girl, hitting her hard in the face with a fist. “Likewise, I am sure.”

Aqualad came out of the shower then and said, “What th–?”

The villainess leaped at him, taking him off-guard, and swiftly disabled him. “Now to tie these brats up and take them to my employer!”

Just as the Tigress was tying up her three captives, two well-dressed men burst in holding pistols. One of them spotted her and nudged the other, then both aimed at the bronze-hued woman. “Our boss has plans for these kids, and, lady, you ain’t interfering!”

“Wrong, boys! My boss has his own plans, and as far as I am concerned, your boss can go to–!”

Shots rang out, and before she could move, the Tigress felt bullets ripping into her flesh. She tried to leap forward but saw red streaks before her eyes as she collapsed.

“Good shooting.”

“Thanks. I always wanted to be a big-game hunter. Come on, let’s grab these super-kids and beat it.”

“Right. Hey, there’s two Walkmans here. Which one is the boss’s?”

“How would I know? Grab ’em both. We’ll take ’em with us.”

“What about the cat-girl?”

“Leave her. Let the janitor deal with it. Come on. I got Wonder Chick, so let’s get gone!”


Wally West walked into the Central City Police Department, and after clearing the hurdle of the front desk, he found his aunt’s boyfriend, police forensics scientist Barry Allen, peering into a microscope.

“Wally!” he exclaimed, looking up. “This is a pleasant surprise. What can I do for you?”

Wally pulled a Walkman out of his pocket. “Something in this device or on the tape has caused two of my Teen Titan friends to get some form of amnesia. I thought maybe you or one of your–” He lowered his voice. “–Super Friends–” He handed the music-player to Barry. “–could figure out what’s up with this and find a way to reverse the process.”

Barry took the battery-operated tape-player and frowned at it. “Intriguing. OK, I’ve got some evidence to go over, but as soon as I can, I will get to this, possibly tonight. Sorry I can’t check it out right now, but this is a very important case I’m working on. Are your friends OK otherwise?”

“Yeah. Speedy’s with them. They’re fine otherwise. Just don’t know who they are, is all.”

“Well, well, well… interesting. Hmmm… Well, nearly done going over this evidence, and I’ll then make this a priority. Do you have any plans for dinner?”

“We were going to a concert, but that seems to be on hold right now. I can get the others and come back, if that’s OK.”

“Sure. My place at, say, six o’ clock. Your Aunt Iris will be there, too.”

“OK, see you then.”


At a major hotel near the Teen Titans Clubhouse, a bearded man pondered his options while drumming his fingers. At last he impatiently pushed a button on his desk. A huge man in a trenchcoat entered the office from a side room.

“You buzzed, Mr. S?”

“No, Shrapnel, whatever gave you that idea?” the boss sneered.

The hulking figure looked puzzled and pointed back the way he came. “Sorry, boss. I thought I heard the buzzer.” He turned to go, and his boss slammed a fist on the desk.

Idiots! I am surrounded by idiots! Of course I buzzed you, moron!”

Shrapnel looked confused, then smiled. “Oh, of course. Yes, sir, Mr. S. What do you want?”

“A vacation right about now would be nice.”

“Shall I get you some fliers, Mr. S?”

“What? Oh, no, no, no. Never mind that. I want you to check up on Tigress. She should have checked in by now.”

“Sure, boss.” Shrapnel started to leave, then turned back. “Oh, where is she, Mr. S?”

Mr. S slapped a hand to to his forehead. “The beach! I sent her after the Teen Titans, you idiot! See if she needs help, and bring me those teen twits!”

Shrapnel nodded. “Oh, OK, boss. Right on it.”

As he left, his employer groaned, “Idiots! I am surrounded by idiots.”

At that moment, his intercom buzzed. “Sir? There is a problem in the kitchen, and the chef needs you right away.”

“Idiots!” Mr. S snarled.

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