DC Universe: They Might Be Giants, Epilogue: Duck in Time

by Doc Quantum

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Quackum Labs, Albatross, USA:

“You know, boys and girls, we ought to do this again sometime,” said Quackum as they all sat around a large table enjoying pizza ordered from Donkey-Nose Pizza, along with drinks of Pupsi (the Koala Cola company had generously offered to provide the heroes with a lifetime supply of drinks, but they had wisely turned down the offer, their taste-buds permanently soured on that Aukstralian-themed drink).

“I agree, Duck,” agreed Comic-coo-coo, and the others nodded their heads as well.

“Now,” continued Quackum, “I’m not suggesting that we form a team, per se, like the Zoo Crew, or even the Outhyders — no offense, Black Lightning Bug — but we could do a lot of good in this world by teaming up like we just did!”

“Sure,” said Firefox eagerly. “Even if we don’t team up as often as the Zoo Crew, we could still team up once in a while, or at least get together for Pictionary!

“I’m not much of a joiner,” countered Commander Fowl. “And, to tell you the truth, despite my bionic implants, I’m not all that good at drawing or guessing, either.”

“Just make sure you’re not on my team, then,” joked Firefox. “But as Doc said, it won’t be a super-hero team like the Zoo Crew. It’ll be more a group of new friends getting together every once in a while.”

“Right!” said Quackum. “I propose we call ourselves the Fur-gotten Heroes!” The sound of crickets chirping could suddenly be heard. “No? Then how about the Greater Metropolitan Super-Hero World-Saving and Chowder Society?”

“Excuse me for saying so, Duck, but that’s horrible,” said Comickook. “How about the Scavengers?”

“Isn’t that trademarked by Marsupial Comics?” asked Commander Fowl.

“Yes, though I believe they call themselves Larval Comics now,” replied Comickook.

“Why not something simple,” suggested Commander Fowl, “like the Farm Team?” The others nodded their heads noncommittally at the suggestion. “OK, well, the Farm Team it is, then!”

“Well, whatever we call ourselves, I sure hope our next adventure together isn’t as strange as this one,” said the Plaid Porcupine, who was busying himself picking pieces of pineapple off his pizza slice. “Hey, if we ever want to get fancy with our name, we could always call ourselves Quackum Force, hey, Duck?”

“That might work… if it was the 1990s,” commented Comic-coo-coo dryly. “Anyone got a time machine?”

“Speaking of which, did I ever tell you young folks about the time I turned my old Vleawagen Beetle into a time machine?” said Quackum after finishing off the last bite of his slice of pizza. At the incredulous looks from the others, he added, “Yep. I had Billy give it a test-run back to 1955, when, by some strange coincidence, I first came up with the idea of turning a car into a time machine.”

“Uh, Duck, isn’t that basically the plot of Duck to the Future?” commented Comic-coo-coo. “And wasn’t it a DeLion-orean, not a Beetle?

“Oh, I don’t think so,” said Quackum, frowning. “Anyway, Billy had to seek help from the Duck Quackum of 1955 to–“

“Make sure his parents got together so Billy would still be born,” said Firefox. “We’ve all seen the movie, Ducktor.”

“No, no, no, that’s preposterous, young lady,” said Quackum. “Why would I allow Billy to interfere in his own family history like that, thus causing a paradox the likes of which could potentially destroy the universe? The very idea is absurd. I just sent Billy back to the past so he could pick up a rare baseball trading card in mint condition and bring it back to the present to complete my collection. My 1955 self helped him with the search, not knowing anything about the time machine itself, and then Billy powered up the Beetle and returned home. It was all very simple and straightforward, with no misadventures whatsoever — a perfect test run of the time machine. The only impractical thing about that time-machine was that the flummoxed capacitator was activated every time it exceeded eight miles per hour. I couldn’t even drive the blasted thing down the driveway without ending up in ancient Egypped!”

Black Lightning Bug, Stink Bomber, Where Wolf, and Block Wolf all looked at each other. The Outhyders were all thinking the old scientist was pulling their legs.

“Of course, I made the biggest mistake of my life when I sold it to those Follywood people!” said Ducktor Quackum. “They turned my quest for scientific knowledge into a B-grade popcorn flick!”

“Let me guess, Duck,” said Commander Fowl. “They called it Duck to the Future.”

“No, that’s not it,” said Quackum. “I’m sure I’ll remember the name eventually, though.”

All the heroes collectively groaned.

The End

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