Plop! Conversations of Doom

Plop! The Five Earths Project

Plop!

Conversations of Doom

by Martin Maenza and Starsky Hutch 76

What happens when Solomon Grundy and Bizarro — the two stupidest members of the Legion of Doom — sit next to each other for too long? Conversations of Doom, that’s what.

***

On the road to pull a job, the Legion of Doom sits in their ship. Sadly, two of the members once again find themselves next to one another.

Solomon Grundy: Grundy like apples.

Bizarro: Bizarro like apples too.

Grundy: Grundy like pears, also.

Bizarro: Bizarro, too. Bizarro can eat pears all day.

Sinestro, leaning over the seat: Would you two shut up?!

Bizarro: Bizarro find pears tasty.

Grundy: Pears give Grundy gas.

Bizarro: Pears give Bizarro gas, too. That why me like them.

And then the farting contest starts. PLOP! Both white-faced villains laugh loudly.

Bizarro: Why Toyman look green?

The jester-costumed villain falls forward, having the unfortunate luck of having to sit behind these two.

Grundy: Hmmm, Grundy smell something.

Bizarro: Sniff sniff. Bizarro don’t, too. What could it be?

Grundy: Grundy thinks it’s Giganta. She got a big odor.

Bizarro: Why Giganta got big odor, Grundy?

Grundy: Grundy think it girl thing.

Bizarro: Hey, Giganta! You got girl thing?

Grundy: Sometimes Giganta no get that so-fresh feeling.

WHOMPPPP! The villainess slaps the two idiots upside the head and returns to normal size. After their heads clear, the pair decide to head up to the front of the ship.

Grundy: Hey, Luthor — why you not use big brain and find way to grow hair?

Bizarro: Yeah, no understand. You like chrome look?

Grundy: Hey, his head match the Legion of Doom base. Big and round.

Bizarro: Hmm… Maybe that why he no grow hair.

Luthor zaps them once with his blaster. ZAAAAP! The two refuse to heed the warning shot.

Bizarro: Hey, Luthor. You know what most annoying noise in the world am?

Together: GNANNNNNNNNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

Luthor, holding his skull: Guys! Guys!

Grundy: Him mean. Me bet if him had hair he not be so mean.

Bizarro: Why can him build doomsday weapons but not cure baldness?

Grundy: Him want to look like Kojak?

Bizarro: Heh-heh. Who loves you, baby?

Grundy: Har. Good one, Bizarro.

The ship screeches to a halt. The side door opens, and two large figures are tossed out onto the side of the road. The door slams shut, and the ship barrels off.

Grundy: Hmmph. Why we get kicked off ship?

Bizarro: Bizarro not know.

Grundy: What we do now?

Bizarro: Hmm… Maybe we call Blockbuster. He fun to talk with.

Grundy: Yeah. Him smart.

The End

Return to Humor titles. Return to Earth-12 stories.

  • Lee

    While in the pizza place Tuesday, I had my cousin’s son pull up this site and read this story. He read it pretty much out loud and loved it. We both laughed enough as he was reading it that we drew the attention of the others in the group. This was a fantastic story–Martin and Starsky did a fantastic job.

  • Doc Quantum TTT

    That’s cool! I’m glad this site can give these stories more exposure.

  • I’d forgotten about this one. Martin and I did this talking over yahoo messenger as if we were Bizarro and Solomon Grundy after talking about what a conversation between them would be like.